“His administration has a new sex scandal that for once has nothing to do with him,” Kimmel said, referring to reports that Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. allegedly sent a lurid “poem” to journalist Olivia Nuzzi during their affair last year.
“Poems like, ‘I am a river. You are my canyon. I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you.’ And, ‘Drink from me, my love,’” Kimmel read, then added his own RFK Jr.-esque touch: “It is safe for I have removed all the fluoride from my blood.”
But Kimmel also had a warning for anyone reading Kennedy’s sex poems: There may be some things you can’t unlearn.
“One of the words he used is so vile I had to look it up,” Kimmel said. “It rhymes with belching and don’t look it up. It’s bad.”
Kennedy is married to actor Cheryl Hines, who once starred in “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
“Poor Cheryl Hines,” Kimmel said. “She thought ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ was over. Now every day she hears this.”
With that, he played the famous “Curbed” theme, then paraphrased the catchphrase used by the show’s star and creator, Larry David.
“Pretty, pretty gross indeed,” he said.
See more in his Monday night monologue:
