However intercourse as exes was completely totally different. (He made non-accidental contact with my clit.) Because of the meager quantity of confidence I’d scraped collectively since our breakup, I had simply sufficient perspective to see him—and our terrifying relationship—extra objectively. It wasn’t so simple as a mid-fuck epiphany, however I felt extra in management, extra like a model of myself that I favored. It was sleeping with my ex that supplied me the readability to actually, truly, no for actual this time, lastly recover from him.
And but, there was a nonetheless a part of me that hated that I needed to fuck him to get there. I needed I’d discovered a greater solution to transfer on, like scorching yoga, or becoming a member of a cult, or turning into extra Instagram well-known than him. Isn’t that what individuals do? So I discover myself again on the similar query: Do you have to sleep together with your ex?
“After all you need to,” declared my good friend Malcolm. Malcolm is a problematically charming literary editor in his 50s. He’s additionally my biggest enabler—it’s with him that I smoke, have the third martini, and ship that 2 a.m. nude I’ll later remorse. “It’s such a disgrace to not do one thing merely since you suppose it ‘received’t be good for you,’” he urged. “It’s higher to take the danger of it being nice.”
“So have you ever truly slept with an ex?” I requested.
“Hundreds,” he mentioned. “Look, there isn’t a rule—whether or not you need to or shouldn’t is only a trite query for a intercourse column—no offense. Certain, perhaps it would end up poorly, however you then’ve learnt one thing about your self. You grow to be a greater, stronger individual by placing your self in peril. And if it doesn’t really feel good, you’ll be able to simply cease. It’s all a part of the method.” He shrugged. “However perhaps I’m simply enjoying satan’s advocate.”
Whereas I share Malcolm’s aversion to relationship “guidelines”—you already know, wait three days to textual content him, no anal after Labor Day, et cetera—I do really feel like having some boundaries so as to shield your self from psychological collapse isn’t such a foul concept. As a result of the truth is, intercourse with an ex isn’t uncomplicated. And although it could appear extra interesting than railing your approach by an infantry of drunk randoms, you’ll be able to’t go in blind.
