LAUDERDALE-BY-THE-SEA, Fla. — The Buffalo Payments have a brand new security this season.
He generally performs near the road of scrimmage, even lining up within the gaps and banging helmets with inside linemen. They use him as a hybrid linebacker in a three-safety dime package deal. He has performed free security, sturdy security, exterior cornerback, inside cornerback, left linebacker and proper linebacker. And extra.
Bodily and mentally, he’s being challenged, however he’s grateful, content material and all in.
The Payments’ new security is Jordan Poyer. It’s the identical Jordan Poyer who performed for the workforce the earlier six seasons, the one participant within the NFL to have 500 or extra tackles, 20 or extra interceptions and 10 or extra sacks in that timeframe, a Payments captain for the fourth time, an Ed Block Braveness Award winner in 2017, a Professional Bowl security final 12 months and an All-Professional the 12 months earlier than.
However this can be a new Jordan Poyer due to ayahuasca.
Within the spring of 2020, NFL workforce services had been closed due to COVID-19, so Payments defenders met in Washington, D.C., for a couple of days to coach, examine and bond.
The primary night, cornerback Josh Norman welcomed the gamers to his dwelling, and out got here the pictures of tequila. When Poyer was handed a shot, he checked out it after which at his teammates.
He put it down.
Norman and the others, who had by no means seen him flip down a drink, had been shocked.
“What?” one mentioned. “Come on, Deejay Poyo!”
Deejay Poyo was Poyer’s alter ego. Impressed by tequila and a turntable, Poyer grew to become another person. And for Poyer, there was worth in being another person.
What his teammates didn’t know was that Poyer had not put alcohol to his lips in about three months, since he downed a shot of tequila on March 13 within the Puerto Vallarta airport bar throughout a 12-hour flight delay.
Poyer spent his childhood in Astoria, Ore., a picturesque city on the mouth of the Columbia River not removed from the Pacific Ocean. His mom and stepfather labored at a juvenile detention heart and raised him with a strict hand. When he was not underneath their watch, unsupervised as a freshman at Oregon State, Poyer drank. And drank and drank.
It by no means appeared to have an effect on his play in school, the place he was a consensus All-American. And regardless of his continued consuming, he made regular progress in his early NFL years.
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In his third season, when he was an rising starter with the Cleveland Browns, he DM’d an Instagram mannequin after she favored one in all his posts on Twitter. She was a freshman at Florida Atlantic, a small-town woman from the Adirondacks who knew nothing about soccer however thought Poyer was cute. He traveled to Florida to satisfy her, and earlier than the weekend was over, Poyer declared, “I’m going to marry this woman.”
Poyer made quite a few journeys to Florida that offseason. That spring as Rachel Bush was ending her freshman 12 months of faculty, she discovered she was pregnant. After their daughter, Aliyah, was born, Poyer signed with the Payments, and the household moved to Buffalo. He and Rachel married in 2018.
His consuming was uncontrolled by then. He would down a six-pack of IPAs in 20 to half-hour for a fast buzz. Blacking out was a daily incidence. His habits examined his marriage, however there was a draw between him and Rachel like a north pole to south.
After the Payments misplaced to the Houston Texans within the wild-card spherical of the 2019 playoffs, Poyer was crestfallen. He says he drank closely day-after-day for 5 weeks. At one level Rachel rid their dwelling of all alcohol, however he would nonetheless sneak what he might.
Rachel says her husband hid alcohol from her beneath toilet cupboards and different locations “like a toddler.”
He was near dropping her.
The consuming, he realized, was an try to alleviate stress — stress from soccer expectations and stress from household life. He was a worrier, besides with a drink in his hand.
Poyer went to an Alcoholics Nameless assembly. Then one other, and one other.
The get-together at Norman’s home was his first vital temptation.
“Once I put that drink down for the primary time, it was virtually like I overcame a demon,” Poyer says.
The extra time that handed, the much less Poyer needed to drink. He has no need for it now, and the scent of alcohol virtually makes him gag.
Regardless of a stellar profession and a loving household, Payments security Jordan Poyer “felt like there was one thing lacking” as just lately as final 12 months. (Dan Pompei / The Athletic)
Being sober didn’t make him proof against anxiousness and melancholy, nevertheless. Within the 2022 season, he missed 5 video games with elbow, foot, knee and rib accidents. When the Payments misplaced to the Bengals within the divisional playoff spherical, Poyer felt answerable for not doing extra.
And his angst ran deeper than soccer.
“I nonetheless felt like there was one thing lacking as a result of I’ve this stunning home, a wonderful household, every thing anybody might ask for,” he says. “I nonetheless felt a way of unhappiness, a way of not understanding who I used to be, and why I used to be the best way I used to be. Part of me felt responsible simply because I used to be residing this fashion.”
Poyer couldn’t come to phrases with why, regardless of all his shortcomings, he was in such an enviable place. His soccer journey was unbelievable. No main school needed him till Oregon State got here in with a late provide to grayshirt, that means his scholarship wouldn’t start till January of his freshman 12 months. He was chosen within the seventh spherical of the 2013 NFL draft, got here into the league as a cornerback, was minimize six video games into his rookie season after which needed to be taught a brand new place with a brand new workforce. He took a blind-side hit that put him within the hospital for 2 days with a lacerated kidney and a concussion. His profession might have been over then.
But by now he has outlasted 191 of the 217 gamers drafted forward of him. And he hasn’t simply survived within the NFL — he has thrived.
What had he executed to deserve this?
Was he justifying his success?
Would there be a better goal?
In 2018, Poyer noticed a therapist for anxiousness as soon as every week. It was unfulfilling.
The solutions had been some other place.
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Within the Quechua language, ayahuasca (pronounced ‘eye-ah-WAH-ska’) means “vine of the soul.”
Ayahuasca is a psychedelic drug made out of the leaves of the Psychotria viridis shrub and the stalks of the Banisteriopsis caapi vine. It has been used for greater than a thousand years by Amazonian tribes. Ingesting it could induce a dreamlike feeling, an altered state of consciousness, mystical experiences and euphoria.
In the summertime of 2022, Aaron Rodgers revealed he had taken ayahuasca and credited it with serving to him have two of the very best seasons of his profession for the Packers.
Poyer had by no means heard of ayahuasca on the time. “My first thought was eff that,” Poyer says. “You loopy? I’m not doing that.”
The humorous phrase stored displaying up in numerous conversations on his social media feeds and podcasts. Poyer researched it and have become intrigued.
After the tough 2022 season, Rachel prompt Poyer take a “guys journey” after the season to take a look at. However “guys journeys” often contain alcohol, and he didn’t need that. Sightseeing isn’t his factor. “What I actually needed to do was work on making an attempt to be a greater me,” he says.
He found Resonance, a retreat heart in Costa Rica on a hilltop overlooking the Pacific coast and the cloud forest of Monteverde.
To arrange his thoughts to enter a state of consciousness, he was to eat solely hen, fish and salad for one month, with no oils and sugar added. Then he needed to minimize out hen and fish for the week previous the ceremony. He additionally was informed to observe yoga and respiratory workouts that may be helpful if he skilled anxiousness through the three ceremonies unfold over every week.
In a tiki hut in a wooded, secluded space, a shaman introduced every participant with a cup of ayahuasca brew, which is type of like tea, however with advantages. Style just isn’t one in all them. Poyer says ayahuasca tastes like earth.
“It’s brownish and actually thick,” he says. “It virtually seems to be like oil, however it’s darker and thicker. It’s one of many worst issues you could possibly ever style.”
For the primary hour after swigging it down, he lay in a bean bag chair in silence, setting intentions. Poyer’s intentions had been to know himself higher and love higher. Finally, the shaman supplied a second cup, after which, enchantment.
“At first what it felt like was my soul left my physique for a very good two minutes,” Poyer says.
Initially, it was unsettling.
“Individuals attempt to management it, however you may’t,” Poyer says. “It took me about 5 or 10 minutes to determine it out. The ego has to die so the medication can work. As a way to let go and let the medication do what it’s imagined to do, we’ve got to simply breathe.”
For concerning the subsequent hour, Poyer says the best model of himself lectured him out loud. It was, in his phrase, “loopy.” First, highest-version Poyer addressed his need to know himself higher.
“He was mainly saying, ‘Jordan, have a look at your life, bro — what are you mad at?’ ” Poyer says. “It was what I wanted to listen to as a result of I wasn’t appreciating something — not my spouse, my daughter, my household, my home. It was all about me and what I needed.”
Then he turned to loving higher. It was, he says, as if a Pandora’s field opened on methods to love.
The rest of the ceremonies, which lasted 9 hours every, had been about curiosity, power and connectedness.
“It’s about methods to be a very good human,” he says. “And it grounds you. Actually grounds you.”
Jordan Poyer is the Payments’ second-leading tackler however hasn’t made as many massive performs as he would really like for a protection affected by accidents. (Sarah Stier / Getty Pictures)
Two days earlier than OTAs started final April, Poyer returned to the Payments’ headquarters and stepped on the size. The needle settled at 179 kilos, about 20 kilos under his enjoying weight.
After resuming his common routine, the load got here again rapidly.
He mentioned his expertise with curious teammates, coaches and the workforce psychologist. Poyer hoped ayahuasca would elevate his soccer performances as Rodgers believes it did his, however it hasn’t labored that means for him.
He’s the second-leading tackler on his workforce however hasn’t made as many massive performs as he would really like. What he has executed, in line with former Payments defensive coordinator Les Frazier, now an analyst for NFL Community, is allow his protection to be the very best it could by lifting others by way of versatility, sacrifice, toughness and communication. Poyer wears his “C” nicely.
“I really feel like I’m enjoying OK this 12 months,” Poyer mentioned through the Payments’ bye week on the patio of his Florida dwelling. “I’m not enjoying the very best that I’ve performed in my profession. There are most likely two performs I actually need again. However I’m doing quite a bit. And in a really deep sense, I completely love that I’m entrusted with doing as a lot as I’m doing on this protection.”
Ayahuasca gifted him in one other means — with perspective.
Ego is a robust drive in skilled athletes. It helps them ascend and sometimes hastens their downfalls. In earlier seasons, Poyer believes his responses to successes and failures had been too ego-driven. Soccer was him — he has an NFL emblem tattooed on his left shoulder — and he was soccer.
Not anymore.
“We nonetheless have video games left that I’m enthusiastic about, however I knew a way, in some way, this universe was going to check me this 12 months,” he says. “We misplaced DaQuan Jones, Matt Milano and Tre’Davious White for the season. It’s exhausting. This s— is difficult. And it’s not simply (the losses). I’m 32, not this younger spring hen anymore. You understand, s— hurts on a regular basis. However my perspective is I get to play a sport that I like, and I’m wholesome sufficient to play. Each time you come out of a sport, that’s a win in its personal means.”
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Poyer’s dedication is such that final season, when a rib damage precluded him from airplane journey, he took a 32-hour round-trip drive to play in a sport in Kansas Metropolis. He desires to raise a Lombardi Trophy badly, as a lot as ever. But when it doesn’t occur, he believes he can deal with the frustration higher.
On Fridays this season, Poyer, fellow security Taylor Rapp and assistant power coach Will Greenberg play crystal bowls at Payments headquarters. “The completely different tones that you could tune into can improve chakras inside you and enable you to heal,” he says.
Therapeutic takes many varieties.
When Poyer was 12, Louis Dunbar, who has executed a number of stints in jail for violent crimes, known as him for the primary time and shocked him with the revelation he was his organic father. In subsequent conversations, Dunbar typically mentioned he needed to see him or come to one in all his video games. He by no means has.
“I at all times had this hate and resentment towards him I used to be holding,” says Poyer, who doesn’t know the place Dunbar is. “This expertise enabled me to let that go. I understand I wouldn’t have something — my daughter and my spouse — if not for him. Even when it was simply the seed he gave my mother. So sometime I’ll meet him, give him a hug and inform him I’m sorry.”
Rachel has little interest in taking ayahuasca. However she is grateful her husband found it.
“After he did ayahuasca, he grew to become like my dream husband,” Rachel says. “I used to be nervous about what it will do to him, however he got here again a very new man, so appreciative of me and our household.”
Payments security Jordan Poyer together with his spouse, Rachel, and their daughter, Aliyah. (Courtesy of Rachel Bush Poyer)
Highest-version Poyer made Poyer conscious he was not doing the little issues — waking up with a smile, giving Rachel a hug on his means out, or being current even when his consideration could possibly be divided.
Poyer has turned off his DMs on Instagram and deleted his Twitter/X account. Instagram incorporates a For You web page — a customized feed primarily based on consumer engagement patterns. Up to now, Poyer’s was stuffed with posts of different ladies, in line with Rachel. Now there’s nothing on Poyer’s For You web page besides soccer and ayahuasca. She is aware of as a result of they’ve each other’s passwords.
“His consideration now could be 100% on me, his household and his profession,” says Rachel, who has greater than 4 million Instagram followers, an OnlyFans web page and a line of skincare merchandise.
Some gamers really feel extra stress when the tip is nearer than the start. The Payments have an out in Poyer’s contract after this season. He isn’t stressing about any of it. His focus is right here and now.
Poyer has thought of turning into a soccer commentator after retirement. However he has extra to supply than sports activities speak. He might discuss why he’s by no means had a vaccine, why Aliyah is homeschooled, or how he believes God transcends religions.
He might focus on why he has at all times thought he is perhaps an alien. “I really really feel like I’m not from this planet, at all times being the odd one out, having completely different views, considering in another way,” says Poyer, who’s fascinated by stars.
Poyer has what philosophers name epistemic humility — he believes information is restricted and filtered by private experiences. And now he’s starting to resolve the mysteries of his existence.
“My life has been modified ceaselessly,” he says. “And my goal is to be a shiny mild for everyone that I contact and join with.”
In March, Poyer will return to Resonance for one more retreat. Additionally planning to go are his cousin who went with him final 12 months, and a few first-timers — his mom, brother, a few mates and presumably a few teammates. He shall be engaged on a documentary about ayahuasca.
A handpan is a metal musical instrument that generates sound by way of vibrations. Sound healers and meditators typically play the handpan. In Costa Rica, Poyer heard one for the primary time and was drawn to it. Now he performs his ceaselessly.
Not way back, Rachel returned dwelling at about 10 p.m. and was tidying up the kitchen when, within the peace of the night time, she heard one thing coming from the skin balcony upstairs — ethereal, haunting sounds.
“It was type of like one thing you’ll hear in a dream,” Rachel says.
It was music the outdated Jordan Poyer by no means might have made.
(Photograph: Cooper Neill / Getty Pictures)
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